Dutch vs Geordie

05 August 2014 by Blog talent
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So i’m back in Newcastle, back wearing faketan, fake eyelashes, and fake nails. Im sitting writing this blog in the aftermath of a Dutch invasion, last week 5 guys and 1 girl descended on Newcastle bringing with them chocolate sprinkles (for on their bread of course…), beer, and of course borderline rude/direct conversational manner.

The unison of these two completely different nationalities meant I had to explain several things:

1) Almost all of the words, chief Geordie translator at the ready 

2) Spending 3 hours getting ready IS acceptable in Newcastle 

3) Similarly, putting fake tan on is also totally acceptable (one of the guys embraced it to the full and joined me being tangoed for the first night out)

4) kapsalon does not exist in Newcastle, no matter how many times you ask, they will still give you a kebab

5) No, you didn't just get a bad batch of fish and chips, they are literally always that greasy 

6) Passing a rare cyclist does not mean there should be an outbreak of cheers and clapping, it may have appeared condescending (my apologise to all the cyclists of Newcastle)

7) You can't just tell someone that their eyebrows look terrible (even if they look like they have been painted on)

8) Dutch dancing and Rest of the World dancing are very different, namely the Dutch like to wave their arms and legs in various directions at a pretty alarming speed; everyone else sort of head bobs and shuffles side to side. 

9) People in Newcastle do not like it when you mimic them mid conversation, even if it does sound like ‘fhiudiudsifruhfwr’ 

10) Yes we know we are all small here, and no this is not dwarf land

Despite all the explanations I had so much fun introducing the Dutch (and of course a cockney) to Geordie culture. It was nice to see other people having to make changes to fit in, just as I had to adapt to Groningen when I first moved to The Netherlands. Going out as a Geordie in Groningen is not something I would advise, someone actually stopped me in the street and said ‘WOW fake eyelashes! We wear those on Halloween!’ However, after hitting the town here a few times since i’ve been back, I have to admit I am missing the simplicity and ease of a night out in Groningen. No entry fees, clubs are open all night, cheap drinks, questionable music, and of course no effort in getting ready (although I must say i’m tempted to bring the fake tan back with me). For those of you who are doing KEI week you will experience this much sooner than me, and for those doing ESN intro week: I will see you there!

By Gemma