Just a few questions that will make you think about your way of flirting. Because flirting is actually a lot of fun. At least, if you’re doing it right of course. Nowadays we’re unfortunately also confronted with transgressive behavior. People who show this type of behavior might think they are ‘just flirting’, while other people certainly do not experience it as such. To show the difference, here are a few definitions of flirting that pop up when you google it.
- “Behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions”
- “To behave as though romantically or sexually attracted to someone, often, specif., without serious intentions or emotional commitment”
- “To flirt is defined as to behave in a way to be romantically appealing to someone or to dabble with an idea or with participating in something, but not commit”
As you can see, flirting is more about acting playfully than about acting serious. That’s exactly what I want to talk about here, because as I said, flirting can be a lot of fun thanks to this playful aspect. Often when someone flirts with you, it can give you a very good feeling. The feeling of being special for example, because that person was flirting with YOU! In that way flirting can also give you a confidence boost and stimulate your self esteem, two things that are very welcome to everyone I think.
A few weeks ago I experienced something like this, while I was sitting in the Forum. I was working and sitting next to the escalator, so people were walking around me the whole time. At a certain point, this guy stepped off the escalator and instead of walking past me, he stopped and asked whether I was at the Basic Fit that morning. I, as someone who would never go to a gym like that, almost had to laugh about the absurdness of this question. So I answered with “no, no that wasn’t me. I don’t go there”.
Although I don’t remember the exact order of the rest of the conversation, he asked a lot of questions to keep the conversation going. “What’s your name?”, “Where are you from”, “How old are you?'' are some of the classics, but he was also interested in what I was doing and told me about himself (if someone asks you that many questions it’s polite to ask them too of course). Eventually this guy asked with whom I was going on holiday, after I told him that I would go to one of the Greek islands. It was at this moment that the ‘flirting’ became very obvious, as I answered “with my boyfriend”. Not only his face showed disappointment, his whole body language did. While I said it, I laughed, as I felt that this was not the answer he wanted to hear after we had had this whole conversation already. I even said this out loud, and he admitted that this indeed wasn’t the answer he had hoped for. Luckily he could also laugh about the situation.
The funny thing was, in my opinion, that immediately after this he cut off the whole conversation. This made clear again that he was indeed intending to flirt, and maybe even hoping to stay in touch afterwards. Nevertheless, he still made one ‘flirty move’ before he really left, as he said “you look very beautiful”. And what else can you do than feeling flattered when someone says that to you. As you can imagine, it made my day. Compliments like this are always welcome, because it will make you feel good about yourself. There is someone who spent some of his time on you, and I think that is already something that should make you feel special. This person is not doing this for everyone.
At least, that’s what you expect. Later on, when I was done working and left the Forum, I saw the same guy talking to another girl with blond hair. This was on the same floor, a few meters behind me to be exact. When I saw this, I actually had to laugh again. I realized that there was a big chance the guy started the conversation with this girl in the same way as he did with me. On the one hand I get it, I thought “smart guy, this random question works really well”. First of all, the girl will feel flattered since the guy thinks she’s going to the gym. That already implies that it is visible she’s working out, and I think many girls will experience this as a compliment. This also works the other way around, because it means that he is working out, something that is often appreciated. In addition, the question whether she was in the Basic Fit this morning shows that he remembered her, so she probably made a good impression on him. Another flattering compliment.
On the other hand I think everyone should be a bit careful with flirting like this. People can also experience it as pretty rude when you flirt with one person one moment and with someone else the next moment. Besides, it also makes you less trustworthy, because how real are your intentions if you do this? I think that this is the downside of flirting. You never know 100% sure what the other person wants. However, as long as you have good intentions when you flirt and you do not mean to seriously harm someone, I think flirting can be a lot of fun and can certainly make someone's day.
Maybe it’s also fun to think about your own way of flirting and to be more aware of this. And maybe you’d like to try out the “Were you in the Basic Fit this morning” one time. Just to see what happens. It might lead to something beautiful (or it can get a bit awkward but I'd like to stay positive). Or maybe you realize that your way of flirting can unintendedly be experienced as rude by other people. If that’s the case, it’s good to be aware. Whatever you take from this story, the most important message is: just respectfully flirt a little more! Giving compliments doesn’t have to be hard and will not only make someone’s day, it will also make the world a little prettier.